(Back when I used upper case R's in my handwriting all the time. I was oh, so young.)
1 August 2005 -- Monday afternoon
Almost one year. One year of thinking about my Lucy everyday. One year of missing her. A year of grief. A year of growing up and empathy. A whole year of my arms wishing and wanting to wrap themselves around her again.
I feel sad--mixed with anticipation, fear, and impatience for this boy to be born. I close my eyes and imagine the two siblings, wherever they are, laughing and playing. He'll forget her, I'm afraid. I hope I can help him know her. The first anniversary of her passing away will be an emotional contrast to his birth. What a pair of kids.
I worry for this boy who was born twelve days after I wrote this. He's had a rough time the last few weeks, so I've had a rough time. I want my mom's wisdom and wit to pull me through. I want him to have an older sister around.
I want, I want, I want. I wish, I wish, I wish.